If you “go under the knife,” shouldn’t you at least get to pick which knife. Granted, I’d have a hard time choosing the perfect knife given my extensive collection of antique butter knives I’ve acquired through the years as an amateur butter knife collector. Actually, who am I kidding? I’m a fucking pro’s pro when it comes to butter knife collecting. Favorite in my collection? Definitely the one that was used to cut the first waffle ever made at The Waffle House. HISTORIC. There’s even still maple syrup on it. I wonder if I could pull some Jurassic Park shit and clone that waffle. That would be so epic. Almost as epic as when I cloned Dr. Pepper. Too bad, he wasn’t the real Dr. Pepper. I wonder if the real Dr. Pepper bleeds 23 ingredients. That’s just stupid. Of course, he does.