Dearest Brent,

I realized that I missed your birthday, but I wanted to make it up to you with a song. Sing this to the tune of any Kenny Loggins song…

When I wrote this song
I was thinking about squirrel dong
Sad, but true

(Chorus)
You know what I say
On your special day
Happy Motherfuckin’ Birthday!
But that was Saturday
So I don’t know what to say
Except Happy Motherfuckin’ Belated Birthday!

Maybe you can answer this
Do raccoons hiss
When you try to kiss
Their pee pees

Repeat Chorus

Lots of animals
I loved the TV show “Manimal”
You should Google it
Or not give a shit

Repeat Chorus Again

I just realized
When I look in your eyes
I think of Yanni

Repeat Chorus Again

Once again
I’m thinking of squirrel dong
Why are they so long?

Repeat Chorus Again