“What? Were you born in a barn?!” — Questions Obama will never have to worry about answering
If you need help or any know anyone that does, please call:
National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-422-4453
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
The Trevor Lifeline
1-866-488-7386
National Runaway Switchboard
1-800-786-2929
Veterans Crisis Line
1-800-273-8255
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673
“It was a Good Friday. I didn’t have to use my AK.” — Je$us
“Lotta mutha fuckas up in this bitch.” — Snooki’s fetus
“IT’S RAINING CATS AND DOGS, PEOPLE!” — homeless dude on the corner of First & Oak that’s throwing cats & dogs at people
Do you have a Nexus? If it were a mannequin, would you make love to it? Do you hate it? Are there certain things you hate?
iPhone-ites: Do you do much driving in unfamiliar places? And, if you do, more specifically, which app do you use for GPS/Navigation?
Instead of either, should I just buy more kids and have them make me a phone?
Major dilemna for me. Thought I was going to get an iPhone, but the Nexus is looking pretty sexy right now. And I love Google Navigation and drive around unfamiliar places looking for opium dens a lot.
“You may be too old to get into Disneyland free, but you’re never too old to fuck a mouse.” — people that fuck mice
“Come on, don’t be like that.” — dictionaries, to words that are being a bitch
Dearest Brent,
I realized that I missed your birthday, but I wanted to make it up to you with a song. Sing this to the tune of any Kenny Loggins song…
When I wrote this song
I was thinking about squirrel dong
Sad, but true
(Chorus)
You know what I say
On your special day
Happy Motherfuckin’ Birthday!
But that was Saturday
So I don’t know what to say
Except Happy Motherfuckin’ Belated Birthday!
Maybe you can answer this
Do raccoons hiss
When you try to kiss
Their pee pees
Repeat Chorus
Lots of animals
I loved the TV show “Manimal”
You should Google it
Or not give a shit
Repeat Chorus Again
I just realized
When I look in your eyes
I think of Yanni
Repeat Chorus Again
Once again
I’m thinking of squirrel dong
Why are they so long?
Repeat Chorus Again
[video]